Approaching puberty: Talking with tweens about body changes

Implications

Puberty is the gradual process where, over several years, a child’s body changes and develops adult reproductive features. Although puberty occurs for nearly every child, there is wide variation in when it starts; for example, some girls start puberty as early as 7½ years or as late as 13 years; puberty typically begins a year or two later for boys. Black or Hispanic children tend to start puberty earlier than white children. Girls with obesity start puberty at a younger age, while boys with obesity start puberty later than other boys.

Roughly half of parents in this Mott Poll were very confident they could recognize the signs of puberty. Typically the early signs of puberty include the appearance of hair in the pubic area, often accompanied by body odor; growth of testicles and scrotum (for boys) and breast buds (for girls), and overall growth spurts. Due to the differences in the onset of puberty, children will have growth spurts at different ages causing some to be concerned that they are not as tall as their peers. In addition, weight gain can occur during puberty, which can cause children to feel self-conscious.

A common question for parents is when to begin talking to their child about changes related to puberty. Though it’s tempting to feel that the child is too young, parents may be surprised to notice their tween is starting to show signs of puberty or may be caught off guard by their child’s questions about body features. Starting the discussion early will allow parents to frame the information in an age-appropriate way, and let children know what body changes to expect, so they aren’t left wondering or worrying. Without parent discussion, children are likely to hear about puberty-related topics from their classmates or through social media, TV or movies.

Often, parents rely on their own experience – but in this Mott Poll, many parents said they had little or no discussion of puberty when they were young. For this reason, it will be helpful for parents to look for resources on how to talk with kids about puberty. Annual check-ups, sometimes called well-child visits, are a good opportunity for both parents and children to learn about puberty-related changes. The primary care provider will do a physical examination and ask the child questions. This is a chance for parents to listen to the terminology that providers use, and how they describe the different changes that are occurring. Parents should encourage their child to ask questions of the doctor, as well as asking their own; parents can also ask for resources that explain puberty in an age-appropriate way.

Parents in this Mott Poll described common questions about how to approach puberty discussions. For example, many parents wonder how much girls should learn about pubertal changes among boys, and vice versa. Another challenge described by parents is whether, when, and how much to talk about sex and reproduction. Parenting books and magazines, as well as online contact from reputable sites, can provide additional ideas for parents on how to approach tricky topics. In addition, parents may want to learn about the health education offered through their child’s school, building on that information in their discussions at home.

Along with physical changes, puberty is also a time of emotional disruption, and this can create difficulties in communication. Many tweens are embarrassed to talk with their parent about puberty. In this situation, parents can provide an age-appropriate book or video and allow the child to read it privately. Parents should also be ready for teachable moments when a child asks a question. Finally, parents should remember that this is not a one-shot deal. Discussions should occur over time, as the child gets older and experiences different aspects of puberty.